Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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