no, he came in my armpit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My vagina is very pro this idea
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
