so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
