Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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