why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
