Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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