Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
