i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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