So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
