smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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