he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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