bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
