Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
