I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My pussy is not your playground.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
