i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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