He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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