glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
