my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
