summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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