Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
