I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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