i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Bring me that man meat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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