there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
