D3 body, D1 cock
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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