Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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