Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
