I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
