i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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