okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
