when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
