No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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