What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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