I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
