great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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