Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
