either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
