ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
