and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
