At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
