Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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