im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
