my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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