My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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