So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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