Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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