she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
