We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
