A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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