In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
