Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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