Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
