yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
