i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
