cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
