i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
