Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
