I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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